This summer has been one of experiments for me and I have made some surprising discoveries! I discovered that a like for like online shop between Tesco Supermarket and Ocado worked out to cost the same amount of money, I discovered that if I put the plug in the bath when I have a shower the same amount of water is used as if I had just enjoyed a soak in the tub and I discovered that I would rather suffer the pain of major abdominal surgery again than have to go through the pain of a broken heart. All of this in just 13 weeks! The Universe in its infinite wisdom decided to send me on a crash course.
I saw this picture on Facebook this morning posted by Claire Broad – Medium and it inspired me to write this blog post as this is how I have been working through being referred to a specialist, asked for a divorce just before our 32nd wedding anniversary and being told over the phone that it looks like I have a rare form of Cancer called a Sarcoma and that I require swift and major surgery!
People will tell you broken hearts mend and they do, however, when you are in the raw stage and it feels like someone has taken your heart from your chest and ripped it in two; there is little light at the end of the tunnel. The emotional and physical pain is all consuming. My pin prick of light came from my faith and spiritual knowledge and a handful of friends who were supportive, brutally honest and deliciously irreverent! I would say to a very good friend of mine, “I will learn good lessons from all of this.” To which she replied “Oh shut up – just shut up!” But it is true, I have!
I am not going to sit here and tell you I have been all love, peace and light the whole time, I am human of course I haven’t, but from the outset I decided to allow myself time periods for certain emotions and I took a conscious decision that I would not allow anger into my energy field, if I felt some rising I would write down what I felt on a piece of paper, tell it I was letting it go and then set fire to it! I would be the one who the anger destroyed – no one else.
Prior to the phone call from my surgeon I allowed myself one week of shock, one week of constant tears, apart from when I was working and I was able to set everything aside and concentrate on my clients and one week of drinking myself silly every evening all of this and very long daily phone calls from a dear friend who listened to my endless emotional babble!
Then came the phone call telling me of the potential diagnosis and surgery. I wrote everything down just as it was said to me, came off the phone, read it back and thought ‘oh dear.’ It might sound a bit twee, but right the way through I kept the faith that everything happens with perfect timing and while no one else could seem to see it, I trusted that this was so.
I am now five and a half weeks post surgery, the Grapefruit sized tumour turned out to be necrotic not cancerous. I will never know if the surgeon was telling it to me how it was, preparing me for the worst outcome or if, indeed, the enormous amount of healing I gave myself, many others sent me and a visit to a friend who is a very gifted healer changed the prognosis. I have had all sorts of other nasties removed and I am looking forward to the future. I have no idea what that will hold, none of us do, we all have plans and then life takes us on a new route. I will experience my first Christmas as a single person since I was 14 years of age! I will not have the financial security that I thought I would have in my later years and I have no idea if I will have to leave my home (and my beautiful treatment room), but do you know what? None of that matters, I feel blessed to have my faith an army of guides, helpers and angels at my back, I feel grateful to have wonderful, kind people in my life. It has shown me who those people truly are and I feel excited that my future is a new adventure waiting to happen.
I am beginning to get back to work communicating with animals, and giving Reiki to animals and their humans and I am loving it every bit as much as I did before, if not a little more.
The lessons I have learned are many, but the main ones are to take my own advice because it’s good stuff! Trust that all is well and that the true Self remains whole and unbroken, accept help when it is offered and it’s is ok to feel a range of emotions, but don’t let them consume you.
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” Marcus Aurelius
I offer Spiritual Life Coaching as a way to help make sense of things when life appears to empty a bucket full of poop on your head. I have taken taken my own advice and you know what it has helped me get through!
Please get in touch if you would like to know more – Skype appointments are available.